Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I fired John Cleese

That's right people, I fired John Cleese: king of comedy, towering genius of Monty Python and bastion of Faulty Towers.

Why did he get the axe, you ask (possibly incredulous and/or aghast!)?

He lost the funny. And then he was just annoying.

But why? How? You loyal fans demand.

Look, I'm as disappointed as you are. I was looking forward to Mr. Cleese being my eyes and ears around Europe. I was expecting to chuckle and guffaw as I navigated my way through the streets of France, Italy and my beloved Germany. You see, Mr. Cleese was bought and paid for (not in that way!) and installed on our TomTom, ready to make those dull journeys delightful.

But alas, he scarcely lasted a day.

Technically, it wasn't his fault. Some of his recorded quips did get a giggle, the first couple of times, but TomTom hasn't quite got the gist of less is more. For example, John's direction to take an exit was as follows:

In 800 metres, or what I call half a mile, but we have to say 800 metres because of that little bastard Napoleon - take the exit.

See, that'll make you chuckle - once you've deciphered what he's saying while also navigating a car on the wrong side of the road through a maze of crazed Parisian drivers to take said exit. But we took a lot of exits, so the joke got old - quickly.

And so with a heart full of regret, I switched back to old and faithful Jane. Jane, with the soothing British tones and gentle commands to, "turn around when possible" that somehow helps you feel like less of an idiot when you're driving the wrong way down the medieval streets of Siena.

Turns out comedians don't make great travel companions.

This post is also a way of saying that I'm back in blogland! I hope 2009 is treating you all well and I look forward to reading and sharing lots of tales of daring do (read: random posts about film, history and the like) in the months ahead. Peace!
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