This film should come with a two-drink minimum. Seriously, anyone who can sit sober through this garish and ridiculously long (119 minutes) train wreck must have taken leave from their wits. Even with a couple of beers under your belt, it’s highly likely Christina Aguilera’s acting will have you eyeing the exits. As Ali, an insipid small-town-girl-with-stars-in-her-eyes, Aguilera resolutely proves that she shouldn’t quit her day job, but then again the girl certainly has stage presence and no one can say she doesn’t have a gob-smacking set of pipes.
Moving to La La Land, Ali tries in vain to peddle her singing talents, before ending up waiting tables again, though this time in Tess’ (Cher) cavernous and financially strapped club. There she lusts to be on stage, learning all the routines and appealing to Tess and her partner in crime, Sean (Stanley Tucci) every chance she gets. Of course she ends up in the spotlight, which sets up a lukewarm love triangle between her engaged roommate Jack (The OC bad boy Cam Gigandet) and Marcus (Eric Dane) who essentially plays a richer version of his Grey’s Anatomy McSteamy.
At it’s best, Burlesque plays like an extended version of Moulin Rouge!’s Lady Marmalade music video, except the latter was better directed. And it probably had more to do with actual burlesque than the watered down Pussycat Dolls routines this film offers. In fact, despite Aguilera’s voice and the mildly diverting girls mincing around in tiny, sparkly outfits, Burlesque’s entire routine is remarkably forgettable.
Published by Street Press Australia
Burlesque is currently screening in theatres